Watching television the other day I saw a woman who was suggested to have borderline personality disorder. I could see features of her in me and it has sparked a curiosity.
I don't want to label myself as something I am not. I don't want to mould my symptoms into something that has been defined. So I am trying to be as objective as possible about this. I started to research what the disorder is classified as in order to see if my resonance with the woman was anything worth investigating. The results are quite mixed. I have felt, attest since I was 14 (7 1/2 years), that there was something not quite right with me, but have never had a definitive answer to why the hell I have such a hard time just being 'normal'.
I have done multiple online quiz's as an indication and all have resulted in a high likeliness of severe borderline personality disorder. I would like to research more to see if this is something I can dismiss as me being a hypochondriac.
One quiz looking at a broad field of personality disorders was helpful...
Disorder | Rating
Schizotypal: Very High
Borderline: Very High
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: Very High
URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.h
Although I would describe myself as paranoid.
I thought I would write out my 'symptoms', if you will, to help with objectivity:
Frequent periods of severe depression
Feelings of emptiness
Compulsive over eating, bulimia, anorexic behaviors, compulsive spending, drug abuse
Suicidal thoughtsArgumentative and angry towards family
Anti-social - have little/no friends, find it difficult to relate to others
Paranoid when alone - hearing things that aren't there, worried about peoples perceptions of me
Unusual train of thought - views and ideologies as well as actual train of thought is not typical
Exhausted a lot of the time
Always feel the need to be in an intense relationship
Unstable behavior measured over long period of time
Afraid of being alone/lonely
Unable to manage stress
Hold high expectations for myself that cannot often be obtained
History of self-destructive behavior/self-punishment
Does anyone know about borderline personality disorder that could point me in the right direction with my concerns?
As I said I do not want to fit myself into something I am not. If this is what I have, if anything, I would gain an awareness that I never had before. I would be able to manage my life better and reach for the right kind of support.
And that is all I have to say about that.