?

Log in

Know · that · I · will · choke · until · I · swallow...


Change is about. Over the last 3 or so months I have been losing it.…

Recent Entries · Archive · Friends · Profile

* * *
Change is about.

Over the last 3 or so months I have been losing it. I am depressed, paranoid, stressed, emotional, lonely, exhausted, angry, sad and unstable. I have even contemplated suicide at times. I hate my body. Although I continue to run I have been finding comfort in food, and over eating has now become a habit I have failed to break. Gaining weight I so desperately want to lose only makes my self esteem plummet as I close the door behind me on this vicious cycle. I have formed an even deeper irrational fear of almost everything.

It is time once again to focus on losing weight and gaining my self-confidence back. It is clear to me that exercise is not the issue. I can maintain that, I can even say that I am reasonably fit, but so long as I keep eating I will not lose weight. Its the food habits that must change or I will continue on this downward spiral.

Last night I stumbled across this photograph and it sparked something in me. A determination I have not felt for a long time.



I am now ready to fight the fight and win, for the last goddamn time. My goal or time frame I have set for myself is Christmas. I must not starve, I will do this right and find the balance between continuous weight loss and extreme behavior that backfires time and time again.

This week I will begin my journey with predominantly fruit and vegetables taking a minimalistic approach to carbohydrates such as oats, bread, rice and pasta. Red meat is not off the menu however lean amounts can be eaten up to 3 times per week. Nuts, seeds, tofu, dairy and tuna will also be apart of my diet, sidelining whole foods. Drink a minimum of 1 litre of water per day.

Menu

Breakfast:
  1. Stewed rhubarb or apple, 2 tbsp sultanas, acidophilus yoghurt, 1 tbsp maple syrup. Coffee with trim milk.
  2. 2 vogals toast with tuna in spring water. Coffee with trim milk.
  3. 1 vogals toast with 2 scrambled eggs. Coffee with trim milk.
  4. Fruit salad with yoghurt. Coffee with trim milk.
Lunch:
  1. Soup with fruit.
  2. Dinner leftovers.
  3. Salad sandwich.
  4. Salad or vegetables.
  5. Baked potato with tomato and tuna.
Dinner:
  1. Moroccan carrot spinach and chickpea salad.
  2. Soup.
  3. Vegetable based dish with 1/2 cup carbohydrates.
  4. Cauliflower and pumpkin curry.
  5. Spicy vege pilaf.
  6. Tuna spagetti with spinach leaves, olives, red onion and tomato.
Snacks:
  1. Fruit.
  2. Carrot sticks.
  3. Yoghurt.
  4. Corn thins with tomato, avocado, cheese and chutney etc.
Liquid:
  1. Water.
  2. Fruit Juice.
  3. Green Tea.
Exercise:

Exercise 3 - 4+ times per week, from the following list.
Running, Pilates, 1 hour of Resistance Exercises, Yoga, Walking.


Based on this menu and exercise I expect to lose about .5kg per week on average and perhaps even up to 1kg. I currently have no scale batteries but will get some as I would like to weigh myself regularly (twice a week) to keep track of my progress. I will focus on positive thinking and uni work. I will focus on effective time management, a clean and organized house and a de-stressed and peaceful mind. I will watch less television, sleep more and start reading a new book.

I have all the potential in the world and I know I can do this. I have a lot of will power, determination and passion that has only temporarily been lost. I will suceed not only with my weight loss but in getting my life back on track and heading in the direction of my goals. I miss being happy and balanced and free and I will regain it. I am doing this for myself and nobody else, in order to be the best me I can be. I desire to exceed expectations as a partner to Ben, but before I can truly do that I must love myself. This is not another doomed to fail diet plan to quickly lose weight, become obsessed with food and calories and numbers. This is the start of a new era in my life were I can take pride in myself, choose to be happy and achieve my goals by changing my habits and continuously making positive decisions, nothing can stop me now.
Current Mood:
determined
* * *
* * *
[User Picture]
On August 12th, 2012 08:32 am (UTC), fade_me_away0 commented:
Today was brilliant! I went running did my exercises and stretches...and the best part? I ate well for the first time in well over a week :-). I had my usual oats for breakfast with coffee (prepared the night before), lunch was tuna on toast and a carrot, a pear and apple for afternoon tea, moroccan spinach, carrot and chick pea salad for diner (of which I ate half as the tahini was yuck - new recipe) and a banana. I had 2.5 litres of water at least and 3 green tea's.

Woooooo. I can imagine how good it will fell after a week of healthy living, let alone an extended period of time.

Tomorrow is apple and rhubarb with 1 tbsp maple syrup and yoghurt with coffee for breakfast....a pear and banana for morning tea/lunch....left over salad for lunch.... and thats about as far as I have got but am feeling confident. I have a lot of uni work to do tomorrow as I did practically NOTHING over the weekend....including avoiding an assignment that was due last week that I havnt even STARTED! My first C- I will receive after 2 1/2 years.

I LOVE the image above. Every time I see it... just.... wow.... no words. What I love most is that I can see my bone structure in her body.
It is reachable and not some hopeless attempt to fit into something that would be physically impossible for me to achieve.

<3

Edited at 2012-08-12 08:35 am (UTC)
* * *

Previous Entry · Leave a comment · Share · Next Entry