Change is about.
Over the last 3 or so months I have been losing it. I am depressed, paranoid, stressed, emotional, lonely, exhausted, angry, sad and unstable. I have even contemplated suicide at times. I hate my body. Although I continue to run I have been finding comfort in food, and over eating has now become a habit I have failed to break. Gaining weight I so desperately want to lose only makes my self esteem plummet as I close the door behind me on this vicious cycle. I have formed an even deeper irrational fear of almost everything.
It is time once again to focus on losing weight and gaining my self-confidence back. It is clear to me that exercise is not the issue. I can maintain that, I can even say that I am reasonably fit, but so long as I keep eating I will not lose weight. Its the food habits that must change or I will continue on this downward spiral.
Last night I stumbled across this photograph and it sparked something in me. A determination I have not felt for a long time.
I am now ready to fight the fight and win, for the last goddamn time. My goal or time frame I have set for myself is Christmas. I must not starve, I will do this right and find the balance between continuous weight loss and extreme behavior that backfires time and time again.
This week I will begin my journey with predominantly fruit and vegetables taking a minimalistic approach to carbohydrates such as oats, bread, rice and pasta. Red meat is not off the menu however lean amounts can be eaten up to 3 times per week. Nuts, seeds, tofu, dairy and tuna will also be apart of my diet, sidelining whole foods. Drink a minimum of 1 litre of water per day.
Exercise 3 - 4+ times per week, from the following list.
Running, Pilates, 1 hour of Resistance Exercises, Yoga, Walking.
Based on this menu and exercise I expect to lose about .5kg per week on average and perhaps even up to 1kg. I currently have no scale batteries but will get some as I would like to weigh myself regularly (twice a week) to keep track of my progress. I will focus on positive thinking and uni work. I will focus on effective time management, a clean and organized house and a de-stressed and peaceful mind. I will watch less television, sleep more and start reading a new book.
I have all the potential in the world and I know I can do this. I have a lot of will power, determination and passion that has only temporarily been lost. I will suceed not only with my weight loss but in getting my life back on track and heading in the direction of my goals. I miss being happy and balanced and free and I will regain it. I am doing this for myself and nobody else, in order to be the best me I can be. I desire to exceed expectations as a partner to Ben, but before I can truly do that I must love myself. This is not another doomed to fail diet plan to quickly lose weight, become obsessed with food and calories and numbers. This is the start of a new era in my life were I can take pride in myself, choose to be happy and achieve my goals by changing my habits and continuously making positive decisions, nothing can stop me now.
Today was brilliant! I went running did my exercises and stretches...and the best part? I ate well for the first time in well over a week :-). I had my usual oats for breakfast with coffee (prepared the night before), lunch was tuna on toast and a carrot, a pear and apple for afternoon tea, moroccan spinach, carrot and chick pea salad for diner (of which I ate half as the tahini was yuck - new recipe) and a banana. I had 2.5 litres of water at least and 3 green tea's.
Woooooo. I can imagine how good it will fell after a week of healthy living, let alone an extended period of time.
Tomorrow is apple and rhubarb with 1 tbsp maple syrup and yoghurt with coffee for breakfast....a pear and banana for morning tea/lunch....left over salad for lunch.... and thats about as far as I have got but am feeling confident. I have a lot of uni work to do tomorrow as I did practically NOTHING over the weekend....including avoiding an assignment that was due last week that I havnt even STARTED! My first C- I will receive after 2 1/2 years.
I LOVE the image above. Every time I see it... just.... wow.... no words. What I love most is that I can see my bone structure in her body.
It is reachable and not some hopeless attempt to fit into something that would be physically impossible for me to achieve.
Edited at 2012-08-12 08:35 am (UTC)